I am my own worst enemy.
As Paul wrote, “For I do not understand my own actions. For I do not do what I want, but I do the very thing I hate. Now if I do what I do not want, I agree with the law, that it is good. So now it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me. For I know that nothing good dwells in me, that is, in my flesh. For I have the desire to do what is right, but not the ability to carry it out. For I do not do the good I want, but the evil I do not want is what I keep on doing. Now if I do what I do not want, it is no longer I who do it, but sin that dwells within me”. -Romans 7: 15-20 (ESV)
I am so glad I am not alone…
Everyday I wake up and think to myself, I got this, today will be the day I finally get it right. Then within the next thought the realization of how many times I just used the word “I” comes to the forefront. No wonder why “I” am always failing at accomplishing what is right and thriving easily in everything wrong. I rely on me, myself and I. In my own power I will always be defeated.
Trying to get through life without God is exhausting. It’s like banging your head on a brick wall and expecting beneficial results. Sometimes we have good intentions until life gets the best of us and we’ve put God on the sidelines while trying to fight the offensive team all on our own. It’s impossible right?
It’s in those times. The troublesome, deserted, dejected moments when all hope feels lost and I’m breaking down, knees hitting the floor, mascara painted tears swimming down my cheeks, wondering where God is. Why he’s been silent. Why he’s abandoned me.
Then I understand. Once again I’ve been relying on myself. Somewhere along the way I began making my own decisions. I stopped including him. Instead of consistently praying and communicating with him, I turned to my own wisdom. My emotions. My relationships. Even Google. I’ve gone to everyone and everything but him. He didn’t leave me. He never has. Never will. But I wasn’t focused on him. I could no longer hear his still small voice through all the noise I created.
All too often I mindlessly wander off the path. Distracted by the siren calls of the world. Caught in a daze until I wake up and realize how long it’s been. Why the pressures of life seem to be more overwhelming and exhausting than usual.
The only way we are able to conquer our own selfish ambitions is through Christ. The only way we are able to disconnect from our flesh is by connecting to his word. Growing our relationship with him. The greater our focus on him the less on ourselves.
“The only way we are able to disconnect from our flesh is by connecting to his word.”
Galatians 2:20 (ESV) “I have been crucified with Christ. It is no longer I who live, but Christ who lives in me. And the life I now live in the flesh I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.”
God loved us so much he sent his son to die for us. We are his. Our bodies, our minds and our souls. The more closely we study and follow his word the closer we feel to him. The stronger we become- with his strength to fight the enemy. To replace the overwhelming selfishness of our true fleshly nature with Christlike selflessness.
As we continue to head in to the New Year let us not forget to make Christ at the forefront of our traditional resolutions. We will mess up often but we don’t need to continually wait for a new year to begin again. Each day is a fresh start. To start over. We just can’t do it on our own.
As we continue on with this new year please help us to be mindful of you. Please fill us with your love. Help us to focus less on ourselves and more on you. Help us to put you first in everything. To be open and available to use us in however you see fit even if it means setting ourselves aside. Thank you for sending your son to die for our sins. We love and glorify you in your precious name.
Love, prayers and blessings in 2020,